Nightrider

Buoyed by the success of the Dunwich Dynamo I’ve been out riding in the evenings recently. After riding the whole night in darkness an hour at dusk doesn’t seem too much of a challenge. Having bought a pretty decent Cateye font light that cost more than some bikes I’ve bought and a Gore gilet I’m set up for evening rides. Shame the weather isn’t on my side.

Hairspray and handlebars

Cycling thrives on insider knowledge, like many other sports. One tip I’d never heard was that hairspray should be an essential part of a cyclist’s tool kit. Well in their workshop at least. Every struggled to get handlebar grips to slide on and then stay in place? Well not with hairspray – it lubricates the bar allowing the grip to slide on, then sets preventing it from swivelling off.

My daughter’s trike (a very stylish red Giant since you ask) is now ready for action. Let’s just hope she doesn’t change her mind about the style of grips!

This is probably going to be of more interest to fixed-gear Hoxtonites than three-and-a-half year olds concerned about their old, perishing handlebar grips.

UPDATE – it turns out this isn’t insider knowledge anymore. Font of all things cooled and fixed, Fresh Tripe are also in the know.

Olympic report

It’s a good job I waited until the end of the Olympics to write something about the success of Team GB’s cyclists otherwise I’d have been tied to the computer for two weeks.

The “gold rush” from the cyclists has been a success in so many ways. Here are a few of the things that have struck me:

• The hard facts of money-for-medal funding shows that Team GB secured a record haul of medal, totally dominating the discipline for the annual salary of a Premiership footballer. Ironic really that David Beckham should be chosen for the closing ceremony – hardly the face of a new generation.
• These athletes are true competitors – Shaneze Reade refusing to settle for a silver medal. Again compare this to England’s footballers who are consistent only in the poor international performance
• Seeing genuine, hard working athletes like Chris Hoy and Victoria Pendleton getting wider public recognition
• Really putting cycling on the map as a sport for all. Yes, sailing, kyacking, rowing all great – but with a £50 second-hand bike you are one step closer to being the next Chris Hoy
  Watching the reaction of the mainstream press – there’s no doubt about it there’s an intangible “feel good” factor that surrounds Team GB’s success.
• Listening to Kate Garraway gushing over the size of Chris Hoy’s thighs means that cycling is mainstream
• Reading gossip about David Brailsford’s photo opportunity with Ronahaldinho in the Daily Mail makes for a refreshing change from stories of “lycra louts jumping red lights”
• David Brailsford’s clever manipulation of the UK press’s obsession with teenage obesity, the credit crunch and knife crime saying that cycling could successfully address all three
• Bradley Wiggins saying in an interview that he wanted to appear on the Jonathan Ross show – if only he’d won his 3rd gold in the Madison then maybe he would. Despite the fact he won as many golds and broke as many world records as Rebecca Adlington, he not young, blond or female, but then that doesn’t stop Ricky Gervaise from regularly appearing on the show.

It’s been a canny move by Halfords getting into bed with Team GB. The Boardman range looks classy, is ridden by top riders and whilst it doesn’t have the romance of say a Colnago Master looks a very impressive range, particularly the time trial F1 machine. Spot on product development and perfect timing from Halfords.

Dunwich Dynamo – Done it!

I spent most of Saturday night and Sunday morning cycling from London to Dunwich and it was great. Older cycling columnists talk about “the fellowship of the wheel” but since most of my cycling is solo I don’t see much evidence of it, however it was there in spades on the Dynamo.

Firstly the start in London Fields was a veritable orgy of road bikes. I was amazed by the number of single-speed bikes (both fixed and free) planning to attempt the 120 mile ride. Cycling fashion in all it’s guises was represented – what is it about fixed gear riders and chinstrap beards? One guy wearing a pitch helmet – not a great idea for cycling around north London (or “bandit country” as the route map described it) another who’d taken the sleeves off a tweed jacket to create a sort of tweed gilet.

One of the things I liked most about the ride was the lack of overbearing organisation – no marshals, no official start time, no sponsorship just a photocopied A4 sheet describing the route (they’d run out by the time I went to get one) and a tea light in a jam jar to mark the first 60 miles of the route.

The weather was perfect and cycling through the back roads of Essex, flanked by cornfields with the sun setting and only the hum of tyres on tarmac was a sublime experience.

The ride, for me broke down as follows
0 – 30 We set off early which was definitely a good move. Although we were taking it very easy, it was nice to bag 30 miles without even breaking a sweat.
30 – 55 Our initial group started to fragment and I pressed on with a couple of strong, younger riders. As we left Epping Forest for the Essex countryside, the roads narrowed, the traffic thinned and the sun was setting properly. I was starting to worry about the bike being a little over-geared. I found myself frequently in the 42x21 (the bike’s lowest gear) and lagging on the short climbs.
55 – 68 This was probably the toughest part of the ride for me. Having started fairly early, there weren’t lots of riders on the road. And when there were, it was just small groups of 3 or 4. Occasionally I’d draft behind some and stick with them for a few miles, usually getting dropped on the climbs. There was an interesting incident – a family of four waving at everyone from a mini-roundabout at 11.30pm. With the pubs closed, traffic light and for much of this stretch I was riding alone and without the reassurance of a blinking tail light ahead of me. It also suddenly dawned on me that I was freezing cold. Trousers a long sleeve jacket and five minutes out of the saddle restored me. I arrived at the “lunch stop” at 1am, 15 minutes after the first pair from our gang. A brightly lit, spanking new village hall filled with cyclist clacking around the floor on cleated shoes awaited
68 – 90 We set off again as a group at 2.30am and within a few miles had fragmented into smaller groups each riding at it’s own pace. Most commented on how putting the “lunch stop” beyond the mid way point gave a good psychological advantage. As dawn started to break we were again swooping through traffic-free back roads
90 – 100 This was another tough part. I had set off for the second leg telling myself that I’d stop at least twice. Whilst the sun rise and conversation kept my mind away from thinking about stopping too much, I was starting to will the miles away.
100 – 120 A group of about 10 riders formed all intent on finishing the ride. There wasn’t so much chatted now, just an eagerness to get the ride over with. Dunwich was signposted from 7 miles out and aside from one tricky section with very loose stone chippings the roads were reasonably smooth.

This was rapidly followed by a superb fry up at the Dunwich beach-side café and a snooze on the beach before the transport to take us home arrived.

Here’s a few links to various bits and pieces
An animated route map charting our progress
http://bbarker.co.uk/animate/test.php?multiplier=1000

Someone created a nice video which captures the feel of the event
http://www.yournews.itvlocal.com/Clip.aspx?key=495EF5005A3E5395

And there are some photos of our gang
http://bbarker.co.uk/photography/Dynamo_2008/

and some more here
http://picasaweb.google.com/chris.ruggio/DunwichDynamoXVI

Done In By Dunwich?

Well for better or worse I'll be riding the Dunwich Dynamo: 120 miles from London to Dunwich on the East Anglia coast. Two things make this appealing - it's at night and loads of people are doing is. One thing makes me nervous it's 120 miles.

Where as many athletes "taper down" or build up and "train through" an event like this, I've adopted a "reverse taper" - with minimal training, I'm hoping that my leg muscles remember how to keep the pedals turning for 120 miles.

With just over two weeks to go my preparation has comprised the following;

• one 10 mile ride, however this was up hill, into a head wind and with a child on the back
• new bar tape
• fixed the sticking back brake
• skipped a muffin at lunch
• cleaned cycling shoes
• 5 mile bike ride to station - this went very well
• 10 mile ride home from Winchester across the Downs with laptop and work clobber
  

The Dynamo is apparently simple - I've been told to think of it as three 3.5 hour rides. Alternatively I could think it as 12 round trips to my local railway station. Surely it can't be that hard (or boring). I mean if Alberto Contador can get dragged away from his beach holiday and get into form in eight weeks to win this year's Giro, I've got to be able to manage this?

In my favour are

• It'll be dark so nobody will see you suffering
• All my "training" so far has involved either a child on the back of the bike or work kit
• Most of my riding has been done either on an elderly fixed or with a child - both of which count for double miles
• This ride was originally started by couriers and is in East Anglia - it's got to be flat?
• A warm minibus awaits to whisk us back home (thanks Big Nick!)
• Two small children have given me plenty of sleep deprivation so riding through the night shouldn't be so hard - should it?

If my hectic training schedule allows it, there may be more posts!

Raleigh Topshopper

Topshop’s in on the act. Cycling’s cool – with petrol at £1.25 a litre it’s better for today’s fashion-conscious woman to give up her car than stop buying clothes. In fact Topshop are keen for you to buy more clothes because no self respecting lady is going to get on a bike wearing what Evans has to offer.

Their website’s got a little video showing girls in short skirts weaving around London’s backstreets riding Pashley bikes. For visitors to their website, Topshop offers some routes for young women in short skirts and hotpants.

As ever – more people cycling is a good thing. I find it interesting and slightly disappointing when big business and retailers latch onto cycling as the “next big thing” for their own ends.

Form follows Finland

Having just returned from a very enjoyable holiday in Finland, I was impressed by the variety of bikes being ridden out there. Of course it’s easy to be envious of the miles of segregated bike lanes, covered parking facilities etc

What really impressed me was the Jopo bike - something that looks like the mongrel offspring of a Raleigh Chopper and a Raleigh Shopper. These it turns out are perfectly suited to the Finnish climate. Sensible mudguards for the rain, pedal back brakes to avoid the salt munching through the rims, plenty of clearance to allow for snow tyres. Also they’ve got an integral rack, kick stand and wheel lock.

They were originally designed in the 60's with the objective of being suitable for any rider - can't really imagine a bike manufacturer aspiring to such an idea these days. The design's been resurrected and they're back in the shops - read all about it and buy one if the sterling:euro exchange rate goes up.

It must be all those long winter evenings and sitting around in saunas that make the Scandinavians so good at design – they’ve simply got more time to think.

The Old Man And The Bicycle

Just finished reading Hemingway’s “Fiesta” (a.k.a. “The Sun Also Rises”) and like most of his books I finished it feeling like someone who’d arrived late at the theatre and never really caught up with the plot.

The book is mainly about a week long bull fighting fiesta in Pamplona. In the third and final part of the book, after leaving for San Sebastian, the main character stays in a hotel where a team of professional cyclists also spend a night on the Tour of the Basque Country. This felt like the only part of the book I could really get a handle on. Both sports are all about glory and suffering, they involve brain and brawn and they are popular in Catholic countries.

Hemingway seemed like cycling, saying once “it is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them”. That said, I can’t imagine the photos in his album of Papa cycling next to those of him game fishing, big game hunting, running bulls and all the other stuff he got up to.

Matadors and cyclists have plenty in common beyond their whippet-like figures. Bull fighting, much as I dislike it follows a strict hierarchy, with different skills being brought into play at different stages of the bull’s death. The peleton has its own hierarchy climbers, sprinters, rouleurs, domestiques, super domestiques and team leaders all attempting to complete the course yet in complex plots and sub-plots within the team structure.

There’s also the fact that most professional cyclists live on the edge of death, whether it be through the use of blood thickening, heart slowing EPO, descending alpine cols at 70kph or simply by reducing their body fat down to the point that their rids are visible through their lycra tops. Like Pedro Romero, Hemingway’s matador, professional cyclists live a life that is close to the edge.

Electric bagpipes

The other evening I was driving round Winchester's snaking one-way system when I passed a guy cycling along with a vacuum cleaner poking out of his rucsac. Not something you see everyday but it reminded me of a time I stayed in Edinburgh with a group of students who’d developed a set of electric bagpipes. These were constructed out of a vacuum cleaner (see there’s the link) a large plastic rubbish sack and some pipes. Combined with the noise from the vacuum their bagpipes were louder than their manual equivalent but sounded just as bad. Like Marmite, pipe music is an acquired taste.

So it doesn’t always make sense to “electrify” everything – including gears on bikes. “Spy” photos of the latest Campag and Shimano offerings on the pro team bikes show they have grown ugly battery packs and little numeric indicators on the brake shifters. I’m not some kind of Luddite, wasn’t-it-better-in-the-old-days attitude person. I don’t believe that everything needs to be continuously improved. Like the bagpipes (there’s the next link) I’m left thinking “OK, so it can be done, but why bother?”

I can see that in the world of photo finishes, pros will use every advantage to gain a fraction of a second over the next man. What’s frustrating is that the manufacturers who have a penchant for designed obsolescence will be pushing on the buying public as essential. What’s even more frustrating is that there’ll be suckers out there willing to buy these.

Lance Armstrong once said that most bikes offered a level of technical refinement that wouldn’t benefit the average rider. Just look at the next mug bouncing down a completely smooth tarmac road on a full suspension mountain bike.
So, like the electric bagpipes, electronic shifting should have a limited audience. Unlike electric bagpipes, electronic shifting will probably be the next must-have upgrade.

Style over sense

I know it's not new news, but I saw the Chanel bike again on a post that linked to an article in the Telegraph. So Chanel bring out a bike for £6900. This is the same money as you could by two eye-wateringly expensive Condor Diamantes with Campag Record and still have some change for an energy drink - or whatever Diamante owners go for. Alternatively you could buy 12 Bromptons and have change for a whole wardrobe of dayglo jackets - or whatever Brompton owners go for.

I notice that like all highly exclusive (read expensive) products, the Chanel bike is a limited edition. Limited presumably because the manufacturers have to stop work every half an hour with giggling fits over the fact nobody noticed the extra zero they added to the end of the retail price. This is essentially a nicely spec'd £500 roadster with a fancy paint job and two girls handbags attached to the rear rack. Most of the population of Copenhagen ride something similar for 10% of the price tag.

I just don't get why when a fashion house conducts a branding exercise, whatever was the lucky recipient becomes fashionable. Fine if it's Timothy Everest smartening up M&S's suits - they both know something about the rag trade. Or Linda Barker desperately attempting to take the chav out of dfs sofa range (has anyone ever paid full price for one of their sofas?) But Chanel and cycling just don't seem good bedfellows.

Hand shadows

I was back on the bike yesterday which felt great. I got home late thanks to SWTrains deciding to stop all the trains running through my station. This meant a taxi ride with the bike (who ever designed London's black cab was a cyclist - just open the door, turn the bars and you can sit with your bike) followed by six miles of cycling through crisp, moonlight woodlands.

When I wasn't being blinded by oncoming motorists, I noticed that the new bike light I'd bought created a great shadow on the tarmac. The brake lever and drop of the bar looked just like a kneeling elephant.

Sport relief

I've never been into telethons. Just the thought of all that goodwill is exhausting and none are ever going to come close to Live Aid. Sport Relief is one of the many events that passed me by so I was surprised to see Alan Shearer and Adrian Chiles beaming out of today's Evening Standard. Apparently they cycled 335 miles from Newcastle to London in two days - a good haul by anyone's standards.

Specialised must be delighted by the fact that they were able to so completely brand these two and pass it all off as "charidy".

The website has a few videos of the pair that will be familiar to any cyclist who has a few miles in thier legs - standing, munching flapjacks on a petrol station forecourt watching the traffic flow past.

My pervious post was inspired by a radio interview with Alan Shearer, perhaps if I'd listened properly I would have heard him mention this ride.

There is some irony in hearing Adrian Chiles describe how "deep he's had to dig" on this ride. Perhaps next time Nicole Cooke's up for Sports Personality of the Year he won't be tempted to ask patronising questions such as "do you fall off much?" If only Nicole been at BBC Television Centre to greet Chiles and ask him if his legs ached.

Pedal it like Beckham

I learnt the other day that professional football players aren’t allowed ride bikes – apparently it’s in their contracts. Nor are they allowed to go skiing. Footballers are valuable resources and like any company asset need to be maintained in good working order to deliver a full return on investment. Skiing is clearly tough on the knees and the risk of injury is high, not only to legs. I read that broken thumbs were a common snowboarding injury.

But cycling?

Is it because they are worried about damaging their precious limbs through pedalling or because they perceive that they may get knocked off and hurt? Given that getting caught speeding whilst over the safe alcohol limit is a rite of passage for most footballer it can’t be the latter.

What can be the harm in cycling to get a paper from the local corner shop …hang on there’s the issue. That one phrase sums up the whole problem: why would a footballer want to ride a bike to the corner shop when he can take a Bentley Continental GT?

1. footballers don’t live in places that have corner shops

2. footballers certainly wouldn’t collect their papers, they’d get them delivered or more likely

3. their agent would tell them all the bits they needed to know.

It’s a shame though as cycling is often prescribed as an entry point to taking up exercise or a part of a programme of recuperation.

The biggest shame is that children, so heavily influenced by celebrity sportsmen, particularly footballers, never see them riding a bike. At some point in a child’s life they will have had the conversation that runs

Child - “but I don’t want to [delete as appropriate] got to bed now/eat broccoli/dry my hair/do my homework”
Parent – “well [delete as appropriate] David Beckham/Frank Lampard/Wayne Rooney does”

The problem is that argument doesn’t work with “I’m not driving you to school everyday, why don’t you ride your bike?” since David Beckham/Frank Lampard/Wayne Rooney don’t ride bikes.

To get children cycling, it’s got to be cool yet accessible, not in a skinny jeans wearing, fixed gear, fakenger, cutting edge Hoxtonite kind of way.

Complete the set: astronaut, deep sea diver...

…bike messenger comes next in the list of uninsurable, yet now apparently “cool” professions. So you’re a 25-35 year old metrosexual looking for the next hip thing to sink your disposable income into – well it’s fixed gear cycling. And it’s official, two barometers of what’s up and coming have informed me of this. BBC 2’s Culture Show and trend forecasters (yes such organisations do exist) Future Laboratory both say that cycling’s officially cool.

The Culture Show had a 10-minute piece on alley cat races and followed some footage of a group messengers on a cycling-cider drinking-camping weekender. The theme was one of family, fraternity and f&#k it I like riding bikes. They’d have done it regardless of the Beeb’s camera crew.

Future Laboratory by contrast tells people who used think they were cool what kids (usually) are about to think is cool so that the un-cool people can make money from them. If Future Laboratories say that something’s going to be cool, then sometime, somewhere for someone it will – like palmists however some of the details can be a little vague.

Future Laboratories demographic profiling ranges from the sensible to the sublime: “Generation Jones”, “Rolodex Teens” and my personal favourite “Muffragettes” describing the rebirth of feminism – apparently. According to the blurb, fixed gear bikes are now “the defining fashion accessory for a new tribe of young urbanites” – you wouldn’t hear Madame Zola, your local palm reader utter that phrase.

But wait a minute, do we want cycling to be cool? Surely just making it normal would be better. Anything that gets people on bikes is a good thing, but sustained change comes from desire not diktat. Cool implies it’s fashionable and today’s achingly cool must have is tomorrow’s charity shop staple.

In fashion loose-waisted, generously cut practical dungarees are always going to lose out to skinny, low-rise denim. Because you’ve got to be thin enough to wear it; it’s exclusive. So it’s an obvious extension that fixed gears would become cool over a sensible bike, one with brakes, say.

The fashion industry’s already nibbling at the world of two wheels sleazily pimping it to help it sell more overpriced clothes under the banner of “eco-awareness” and this "all the kids are riding pencil thin retro steel frames with spoke cards" stuff doesn't help.

Double Dutch

An interesting article in the Times recently suggested that town planners were going to combat the UK’s obesity problem by building new towns with more cycle paths and outdoor recreational spaces. The theory seems to run: “this is how towns are designed in Holland, they all cycle and they aren’t as overweight so let’s do the same here”.

Now I’m up for anything that gets more people on a bike and Holland and Denmark are two countries that despite having similarly inclement weather to Britain get far more people on two wheels. Is the way that their towns are designed the cause of this? I somehow doubt it’s as simple as that.

The plan reminded me of the social housing projects of the 1960’s which seem to have singularly failed resulting in sink estates that are havens for despair. Has British society evolved enough yet to place the bike, if not at the heart of its culture, then at the heart of its transportation? I think that the answer is no. The lives of the average Brit are just don’t consider using a bike in favour of the precious, status defining car. Sure there are urban havens where it’s easy to give up owning a car in favour of a bike, but when you get out into the provinces, cycle facilities and bike-friendly public transport get thin on the ground.

The only way for such a town to work would be for cycling to become an integral aspect of people’s lives then build a town around that desire to cycle rather than planners forcing people to cycle. As the article says, lifestyle, food consumption, sedentary office work are all factors in Britain’s obesity problem.

I have fond memories of an exchange programme that my swimming club did years ago. I stayed with a Dutch family who didn’t own a car, only bikes. One night there was a disco and to get there I remember the mother giving me a lift on her bike – me sitting side-saddle on the rear rack. I think that was the last time I had a “backie”.

Heather report

I’m trying to consume less “news” these days. It’s a bit like caffeine, you know it’s not good for you, but just try steering clear of it. A key item (they aren’t called stories anymore in our fact-hungry world) in today’s bulletin was that the case begins for the courts to decide how much of Paul McCartney’s fortune Heather Mills is entitled to. In 1968 Norman Jewison who directed and produced The Thomas Crown Affair described the storyline as a “love affair between two bastards”. I get the same sensation about these two. McCartnety is untouchable pop royalty and Mills, despite her injuries, charity work can’t get people to see her side – McCartney’s gagging order won’t help – there see it’s impossible not to get drawn in.

Most mere mortals couldn’t dream of a list of items that Ms Mills will deem to be essentials. The fact that she’s not able to write a book about her exploits is worth £18m. I doubt though that a bike will be on her must haves list. Yet it was back in the hay day of their relationship that Heather and Paul were “spotted” enjoying a roll along Brighton sea front on a pair of non-descript MTB/hybrid fusions.

A bicycle is the stylist’s shorthand for carefree and I guess that’s the message they wanted to convey. More recently Heather has been out exorcising her demons with her newly appointed bodyguards. Dave Moulton’s excellent blog contains a number of posts that include pictures that really do convey a 1000 words. So does this one, but for all the wrong reasons. The guy on the left clearly hasn’t been on a bike for sometime and hasn’t dressed for the occasion. He's holding the handlebars like their attached to the bus he's about to pull in the "World's Toughest Man" contsts. In the next Home Office initiative to get policemen cycling their local neighbourhood, this is what to expect. The guy on the right is a sort of personal trainer/body guard who probably does most of his cycling on a stationery bike gazing vacantly at MTV or yummy mummies in his local gym.

It turns out that Heather’s quite a keen cyclist and goes out regularly on her bright yellow road bike – not a great idea for someone wanting to avoid the paparazzi. The bike looks like an aluminium Halfords Carerra but it’s hard to tell. Maybe she got a job lot, buying her body guards a bike each too - but not ones that would upstage her's. There are plenty of examples of disabled people who have completed impressive cycling feats, but Heather Mill’s cycling seems to have a certain defiance and anger to it. Not for her the science of heart rate monitors and lycra togs – more a case of “stuff it I’m off for a bike ride” – an attitude true to any cyclist’s heart.

60 minutes

What do Paddington Bear and twice Hour Record Holder and World Champion at 4000m have in common? Their successes are both, in part down to marmelade sandwiches. I learnt this when I spent a very enjoyable Friday evening watching the film about Graeme Obree's life up to the mid '90's. The film, "The Flying Scotsman" has been available on DVD for some time, but there's no substitute for seeing a good film at the cinema. Cycling films are thin on the ground and good ones even more so.

I arrived 20 minutes late and persuaded the person on the door to let me in. The showing was in a local arts theatre at their "Friday Film Club"- most of the audience were there because it was Friday, not because it was a film about a cyclist. It seemed to me a well-balanced film (if a film about someone with a bi-polar condition leading to manic depression can be) blending the man's life with enough cycling. I remember being frustrated by "This Sporting Life" as I felt it didn't contain enough rugby playing.

Whilst the film failed to capture the bleakness and poinency present in his autobiography, it did manage to convey the highs and lows of Obree's career. More recently, his own communications strike me as heart felt (see his website) and I was encouraged by his bouyant mood when interviewed about the film.

There was also something elegantly home-spun: Obree's two-fingered attitude to the UCI, his lack of scientific preparation in stark contrast to Boardman and the fact that like me he regularly oversleeps.

Sheldon Brown, seldom down

I learned today that a man who lives in a place I've never visited, who does not count me among his friends and whose life has not intersected mine has died. I do not feel wracked with grief, perhaps if I had met him I would, but I do feel a sense of loss that goes well beyond a selfish frustration that he will no longer be posting his musings on the internet.

My only access to Sheldon Brown was via his website and his writing reeks of a man with a passion not just for cycling but for life. Like many people I was fascinated by his advocacy of fixed gear cycling and only today, when I saw the BikesnobNYC posting I delved more deeply into his blog discovered the many facets of his life. His devotion to charting this makes for fascinating reading. There isn't that furtive feeling when a private diary is discoved, this is a genuine interest in another human. Perhaps that's guff, but Sheldon Brown writes with an impact that many copywriters can only dream of.

With regards cycling, it appeared that Sheldon didn't allow himself to be pigeon-holed into road/fixie/mountain biker categories. His stable of bikes was as varied as his off-the-wall ideas for modifying them

• a BMX tandem for his children
• a fixed gear mountain bike
• a fixed gear tandem
• a bike with two sets of handlebars

Every now and again the internet actually connects humanity in a positive way and for me this has been one of those events.

The future's so bright

Have you ever cycled over Tower Bridge and wondered why HMS Belfast isn’t coated in an even hue of grey? The patchwork paint scheme wasn’t a result of WW1 austerity measures, but an intriguing type of camouflage called “dazzle paint”. This was a fascinating collaboration between the US and Royal Navy and artists saw ships repainted in vast cubist patterns. Most were monochrome, but some used colour. The idea wasn’t to make the vessel invisible, always difficult with a 50 foot high funnel pumping out coal smoke. The intention was to make the vessel difficult for the enemy to identify or to ascertain it’s direction.

So, brightly coloured, highly patterned things can be more difficult to process visually. At sea one of the easiest colours to spot is black – I have no academic studies to support this, it’s just my own observation. An interesting thought though when you consider the number of people whose cycling wardrobe contains Dayglo or Hi-Viz clothing to make themselves “easier to see”

Our cities already suffer from a visual overload with shops attempting to grab the attention of the fleeting consumers, road signs informing motorists of everything from and pedestrians respectively. Recent experiments have attempted to demonstrate just how visually chaotic the streets are

Hi Viz jackets are great if you’re working trackside for Network Rail or the motorways for the Highways Agency where you stand out against a palette of largely natural tones. But do they work for cyclists? I’m not so certain There’s something de-humanising about wearing Dayglo – you’re labelled as a “lycra lout” by the press, treated (sometimes subconsciously) with mild contempt by fellow road users. The same argument is used for discarding your helmet, but I haven’t the courage to do that just yet. So how do cyclists make themselves noticed? Better cycling would be one way – awareness, confident riding, observance of the rules of the road, eye contact with drivers, harmony with other road users. A Dayglo vest isn’t a force shield that entitles you to ride like an idiot.

My distrust of Dayglo does not extend to reflective tape which is an incredible invention, up there with the cat’s eye. Many of the country roads near my home are used by joggers and they are unmissable when picked out by car headlights. Insightful designers are starting to incorporate reflective yarns into the stitching and textiles making everyday clothes double as practical bike wear. I bet you’d look pretty cool if you hit the dancefloor too.

Form follows fun

Just when I think I'm going to dry up on the subject of cycling style something comes out of the blue. Today a colleague and fellow cyclist (though we haven't talked about bikes much) told me of some "winged bike clips" he'd seen in a magazine. As every fashionista knows - the secret to looking hip is to accessorise.

Like a geography teacher's leather elbow patches, bicycle clips fall into the "practical but dull" category, along with rain capes and most cycle maintenance equipment. As a general rule there is a lack of embellishment to most people's personal property these days - what's happened to customised car windscreen visors with "Kev" and "Shaz" on them, sew on patches for your jeans and the like? The next evolution for cycling will allow people to express themselves more through their bikes and their cycling attire.

So back to the clips - they have a Mercury Messenger of the Gods (or Hermes if your prefer your Gods Greek) reflective wing on the outside and probably do a good job of preventing your right trouserleg from getting an inprint of your chainring too. They're designed by Dutchman (who else) Gijs Bakker - who was a teacher at Eindhoven Academy, though not a geography teacher. The styling reminded me of Alessi's early to mid-90's stuff, especially the collaborations with Phillipe Stark. Our daughter used to love the toothpaste end that opened to wave hello - in fact it never made it onto a toothpaste tube and is probably now at the bottom of a toybox.

If Asterix wore bike clips, this is what he'd wear.