Sunday, February 17, 2008

Heather report


I’m trying to consume less “news” these days. It’s a bit like caffeine, you know it’s not good for you, but just try steering clear of it. A key item (they aren’t called stories anymore in our fact-hungry world) in today’s bulletin was that the case begins for the courts to decide how much of Paul McCartney’s fortune Heather Mills is entitled to. In 1968 Norman Jewison who directed and produced The Thomas Crown Affair described the storyline as a “love affair between two bastards”. I get the same sensation about these two. McCartnety is untouchable pop royalty and Mills, despite her injuries, charity work can’t get people to see her side – McCartney’s gagging order won’t help – there see it’s impossible not to get drawn in.

Most mere mortals couldn’t dream of a list of items that Ms Mills will deem to be essentials. The fact that she’s not able to write a book about her exploits is worth £18m. I doubt though that a bike will be on her must haves list. Yet it was back in the hay day of their relationship that Heather and Paul were “spotted” enjoying a roll along Brighton sea front on a pair of non-descript MTB/hybrid fusions.

A bicycle is the stylist’s shorthand for carefree and I guess that’s the message they wanted to convey. More recently Heather has been out exorcising her demons with her newly appointed bodyguards. Dave Moulton’s excellent blog contains a number of posts that include pictures that really do convey a 1000 words. So does this one, but for all the wrong reasons. The guy on the left clearly hasn’t been on a bike for sometime and hasn’t dressed for the occasion. He's holding the handlebars like their attached to the bus he's about to pull in the "World's Toughest Man" contsts. In the next Home Office initiative to get policemen cycling their local neighbourhood, this is what to expect. The guy on the right is a sort of personal trainer/body guard who probably does most of his cycling on a stationery bike gazing vacantly at MTV or yummy mummies in his local gym.




It turns out that Heather’s quite a keen cyclist and goes out regularly on her bright yellow road bike – not a great idea for someone wanting to avoid the paparazzi. The bike looks like an aluminium Halfords Carerra but it’s hard to tell. Maybe she got a job lot, buying her body guards a bike each too - but not ones that would upstage her's. There are plenty of examples of disabled people who have completed impressive cycling feats, but Heather Mill’s cycling seems to have a certain defiance and anger to it. Not for her the science of heart rate monitors and lycra togs – more a case of “stuff it I’m off for a bike ride” – an attitude true to any cyclist’s heart.

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